My Milla Love

Warning: I started writing this back in January. It started as a medium to organize my racing thoughts, a sort of literary junkyard for the absurdity that was preoccupying my mind. When I re-read this post today, I almost deleted the first paragraph. It's chaotic, but it's raw and all part of the process, so I kept it.

After the first paragraph I give a little update on what that Milla girl of mine is up to these days.

My last post(in October :/) shared a few wonders of Milla. She had just turned 3 and has since been defined as a "preschooler". That title has done a proper schooling on us....teaching us lessons left and right...we have entered a new dimension of parenting, full of more important judgement calls. Since she became a "preschooler" this is what my head spends a lot of time doing.....questioning....here's a small sample.

is she happy at school, are the children kind, should I homeschool her, she is so emotional, I am so emotional, is she getting mistreated at school, why is she so sad every morning when I drop her off,  she is only 3, she needs more of my attention, wait how is that possible, she is unhappy and I'm not taking action, Her teachers speak so highly of her, she loves show and tell, she really likes her teachers, a 5-day, 3hr/day school schedule is hard on a family, I stay at home to be with my children, why is she mis-behaving so, this is not the Milla I know, Oh, yes, she needs my attention, but that's what I give her when she's home, I want the girls to be at home together, maybe she is too young for school, I love watching my girls discover and learn, does she really know how much I love her, Milla is so responsible, Scarlett is so independent, Milla is a quiet observer and learns visually, Scarlett is an active seeker of knowledge and learns hands-on, Milla LOVES Scarlett so much that she can hardly handle her without clenching her jaws(with affection and sometimes frustration), should I buy her a mouthguard? no. Milla enjoys showing Scarlett how to do things. We could definitely homeschool. Milla is picking up too many aggressive behaviors from classmates and imitating them at home...NOT PLEASANT!  I want to be there to show her how to respond to unkindness in a confident, dignified way. Wait, am I always confident and dignified in the face of unkindness? Not always, but I do try. I could do better. I will do better. I have to do better. She will learn best from me. Remember, raising our children, raising ourselves. Okay, home is where the heart is. So, that means the greatest love is at home which is all a young child needs, right? If love is at home and school is at home, can I create a love for school and learning at home? Yes. I have everything I need right at my fingertips. In the words of Dorothy(Wizard of Oz), "If I ever go looking for my heart's desire again, I won't look any further than my own backyard, because if it isn't there, I never really lost it to begin with." 

I like that, I use that quote a lot, well, to myself, maybe not so much verbatim in conversation. But, it is the best example of a concept that I have understood since I was a young one. Life always seems to bring it back to me. We are complete within ourselves, so in order to find our true nature we do not need to journey beyond our own home. Right. Homeschool it is, for the rest of the year and summer....maybe longer. we'll see how it goes. 

After a round like that, somehow reasoning and peace step in and my mind is able to rest...usually occurs after a phone call, good sleep, a conversation with Greg or quality time with my little loves.

Milla these days.....

-asks Greg or me to play dress-up with her every single day and would spend all day in pretend land if she could or maybe she does. Rarely wants to wear the costumes I made for her, prefers the "real" princess dress(Melissa&Doug) complete with tiara, wand and shoes that Gran Gran bought her for Christmas. Says we can give her Sweetheart Princess dress(I made for her for Valentine's Day) to Annie or Nietzche. Otherwise, she would only wear it on Valentine's Day.....geeeeeeeeeez!!

-after spending time with other children, like at a birthday party or meeting a 3rd cousin for the first time, or even after watching a show, she likes to assume the character of that child/animal for a few days. When this happens, Milla doesn't break character and never fails to remind us over and over for the next 48 hours that her name IS NOT MILLA! It's fun and spontaneous at first, depending on who she becomes. Sometimes I find myself trying to exorcise the non-Milla child that has possessed her body. The worst was an act that is actually still in circulation. We went to a birthday party for these 2-yr-old twin boys that live in our neigborhood....the ENTIRE time, they cried and were extremely unhappy. So, for the next few days...... WAAAAAAAAAAAAA-WAAAAAAAAAAAA, seriously. It was really funny for the first 5 minutes, but we had to plead with Milla to find another character to assume.....our attempt half reminded me of stories my mom used to tell us of her days working with multiple personalities in mental institutions. "We need Milla back, can we please have Milla, we miss Milla. Can you tell Milla her mommy and daddy are looking for her?" She returned, but revisited the whiney twin act whenever she felt the need for comic relief. 

-She is really into reading fairy tales and then acting them out. Some faves are Thumbelina, Goldilocks and the 3 Bears, 3 Little Pigs, Little Red Riding Hood, Hansel and Gretel, The Little Red Hen, and the tales of Beatrix Potter. Of all, for the longest time, her fave is....The Three Little Pigs, the first we ever introduced. She actually loves any story with "wolfs". She likes to be frightened a bit. Actually, she loves the villains in the fairytales....her current favorite villains are Cinderella's stepsisters and the witch from Teeny Tiny and the Witch Woman. I must admit, I LOVED the heck out of a good horror story when I was young, but these days I spend more time covering my eyes.

-Loves picking out books at the library and scanning them herself. I am surprised at the quality of books she chooses. We really enjoy getting home to read our new finds. Our favorite from last trip was, The Golden Goose(author Dennis McDermott)

-She recently saw her first Disney princess movie, Beauty and the Beast. She understood the Beast pretty well. She came home and told Greg, "The Beast didn't scare me! He was not kind, but Belle showed him and then he was kind." She refers to the Beast when someone forgets their table manners too(ahem, usually it's Milla). She has since started asking to read it and other classic princess stories from our big fat bedtime book of fairy tales. She likes to ask questions throughout the stories and usually concludes to understand the moral each time which is usually a virtue of love. My main concern with princess stories(especially Disney) is that the physical beauty of the princesses has a tendency to overshadow their inner beauty. We really try to emphasize the latter as we revisit these stories. I am hoping to convey the message that when you act with a loving, caring heart, your beauty radiates from the inside out.   I have to say of the few Cinderella stories we've read, my favorite is by Barbara McClintock(another great library find). It has a more gentle approach and an ending that shows how Cinderella's kindness/beauty/forgiveness not only brought her the love of the prince but eventually that of her sisters and stepmother.

-thinks talking about poop is so funny that she wanted to take one of Scarlett's poopy diapers to school for show & tell a few weeks back. She thought that was the most hilarious thing ever uttered. And, with that our typical non-emotive response was replaced with laughter of surprise and absurdity. We continue to remind her that we only talk about that subject in the bathroom during relevant times, so now she makes certain to take advantage when mother nature calls:) or during a freestyle session she tries to sneak in things that rhyme with "ooops" and "ookie".

-told us she can't wear the "itchy" new panties that Gran Gran bought her because she has "princess skin", a notion she picked up from the story of The Princess and the Pea play we saw last weekend. She has always had a sensorial bone to pick with jeans(has only worn them maybe 5 times and always wants to take them off), tags in clothing, tight sleeves, etc. I was/am the same way.

-Enjoys live performances and says she wants to go "play with those people on the stage". Can we invite them to our house? When I'm bigger can I do that?(Princess and the Pea play) I want to go dance in the snow on stage(Nutcracker). If I keep going to ballet class, can I be on that stage after I practice a lot a lot a lot?

-LOVES Dance Party on Wii....it was a nightly after-dinner routine for about a month or so. I was never certain how much she really liked Wii Dance Party because she would ask to "watch" it and that's exactly what she did, barely tapped a toe but wanted to watch several dances/songs. Once again I am reminded that this child is a studied observer. After "watching" for weeks, she jumped up the other night and danced her little heart out with accuracy that only a well-practiced dancer could throw out. Greg and I jerked our heads to look at each other in surprise. Her brain has been storing all these moves and it was finally ready to teach her body a thing or two. She is indeed a visual learner. Her favorite Dance Party songs are, The Chicken Dance, I like to Dance, Hot Potato, Get the Sillies Out, Party in my Tummy, and (sheepishly) Who Let the Dogs Out....why oh why do ONLY kids like this song meant for adults!?
(proved to be a fad, lasted a couple of months, but has died down to 1-2/week since i started this post)

-randomly says brainy things like, "Mom, I think 2 squares makes a rectangle", while showing me with her hands(she made a square with each hand and put them together). 

-doesn't want to sit with me and Scarlett at music class, sits with her new little baby friend and her nanny...even sits on the nanny's lap and lets her caress her. This lady is a sweet hearted, kid-magnet, but in a fraction of a way, I feel rejected.

-Milla IS.....

kind, sensitive, friendly, helpful, complimentary, polite, clever, beautiful, generous, forgiving, imaginative, creative, silly, excitable, deeply loyal, courageous, inquisitive, a people watcher

-Milla Loves.....

to be funny, to pretend, dress-up, to paint, especially her hands, to go to gymnastics, to read stories, making faces, Scarlett, to cuddle Scarlett, to tease Scarlett,  to play in the sandbox, to play outside, to play with the dogs, to help, to be chased, to learn new things, to be with loved-ones, her cousins, dear friends, to bake, to slice vegetables and fruit, to drink tea, to use the toaster, mac n cheese, chicken, sandwiches, crumpets, carrots, celery, cucumbers, tomatoes, spinach salad, trail mix(from bar at WF), dried fruit, plums, pears, blueberries, oranges, mango, melon, olives, mushrooms(especially raw), dairy, cookies, cupcakes, jelly beans, chocolate, lollypops, to push or pull Scarlett on ride-on toys, to watch Caillou(it's her favorite, no matter what), to watch scholastic storybook classics, to teach Scarlett things, puzzle and book apps, dolls and teddy bear, staying in her pjs

-Milla dislikes....

saying good-bye, admitting she's tired, zucchini and squash unless it's hidden, marinara sauce, bees or flies buzzing her, saying goodnight, walking down the stairs in the morning, loud noises, for Greg and I to have a conversation....