Scarlett's Fever

I'm in that spot...where I haven't posted in over a month and there is so much on my list to write about. When I fall behind it is so hard for me to know where and how to jump back in; so many stories have gone untold and so many feelings unshared. I am amazed by how much "life" happens in a single month. I'm thinking of catching up by posting a bunch of photos with captions. That way, I can pick up where I left off without writing a book to go along with it:) Okay, maybe a quick preface before I bombard you with a photo review.

We spent the majority of July preoccupied(debilitated in mind and body) with a sick little Scarlett-boo....a very sick, hospitalized Scarlett who remained haunted by the torture of medical investigation for at least 2 weeks after discharge. Our littlest one was diagnosed with Meningitis but they could never specify the cause or explain the lack of typical symptoms. She had a fever that spiked as high as 104. She was especially fussy, had a swollen soft spot(a clear sign of  inflammation of the meninges), threw up twice and was very lethargic. She was still nursing really well and only displayed all of these symptoms for just under 48 hours....a very long, frightening 48 hours.  However, we were in the hospital, in isolation, for four days waiting for culture growths(bacterial or viral) that would give us a definitive diagnosis. Nothing ever grew, so after 2 IVs, a urine catheter, a chest x-ray, a brutal spinal tap, 3 days of an intravenous mega-antibiotic, a ton of blood work, and lots of poking, prodding and monitoring, we had no answers and were given the choice to leave. By day 3 in the hospital, Scarlett was becoming more lively and playful and was visibly feeling better, so by day 4 we felt good about bringing her home. I don't do well with ambiguous medical explanations, so the hunt to find answers began. I spent the next several days wide awake, praying, researching, doubting my parenting skills, accepting the unknown, corresponding with doctors, reconnecting with Milla, my family and friends, and all the while wondering how I could ever handle a loss, such as the death of a child. This experience gave me a tiny glimpse into the world my parents knew for many months before my sister passed away. To have a child in the hospital with an unknown life-threatening disease/condition is all consuming. Interestingly, I didn't realize how mentally exhausted I was until I was in my home trying to live as a functional adult a few days post hospital. I think my body was sort of defrosting from the chill of the experience. The hospital Carly was not the sensitive type I thought she'd be. She was much stronger, didn't require sleep to function, and seemed robotic. Although she broke down into heavy sobs(attracting many sympathetic gestures) upon arriving at the hospital and checking in, she immediately gathered her armor and with baby in one hand and suitcase in the other marched to room 1044. You see this was hospital Carly and the medical field is science based and no good scientist can conduct an experiment with tears in her eyes. As much as I endorse healthy emotional releases, this was neither the time nor place.  I guess after wearing such thick metal for 4 days I felt hardened and thankfully my home was warm enough to melt it away again. Through this melting process I returned to myself. I was reminded once again of my purpose on this earth, that each day is a gift, not a guarantee, and that the people in my life are placed there because that's where they belong, for the greater good. It brings me joy to report that our story ended with healing and happiness. Scarlett is back to her cheerful, inquisitive self and boy do I love that little baby girl and her big sister too!